“Mum, I cried while drawing Dad. I’m glad my tears didn’t fall on the paper. They didn’t ruin it.” That morning, both parents took Orysia to kindergarten before her father returned to military service. His leave had come to an end.
A little later, the girl shows me her drawing: in the family portrait, the tallest and slimmest figure is her father, Denys Yushkevych. He’s dressed in green, “because he protects us from enemies.” Her mother, Iryna Lvov, had explained it to her like this, telling the child why her father had to leave home and couldn’t be with them like before. Now, the girl repeats the same explanation to me.
Family psychologist Anna Hralyuk emphasises the importance of speaking openly with children about their father’s military service, in a way that’s appropriate for their age. Without this understanding, children may become withdrawn or even display signs of aggression.
Orysia will turn five in December. She was just over two years old when the full-scale Russian invasion began. At that time, Iryna took her daughter to Germany, where they stayed for four months before returning at the beginning of July. A year later, her husband was drafted. “One of my biggest fears is being left alone with the child. I know I’m not truly alone—Denys is alive, and he’s as involved as he can be in her upbringing—but he’s not physically here,” Iryna shares.
Little Yushkevych the Froglet—that’s what the girl calls herself—has a deep love for frogs and anything “froggy.” Toys, jewellery, tableware, lollipops, and even her backpack. It’s green, just like her dad’s, though not nearly as “huge” and shaped like a frog. So, she happily refers to herself as a froglet, her mum as a little frog, and her dad as the big frog.
Iryna recalls how, as children, Denys and his older brother would visit their grandmother’s village, dig a pond, and fill it with frogs. It’s from her father that Orysia inherited her love of nature—along with his features. The girl seems almost like a miniature version of him, as if she were drawn from his likeness.
In July 2023, the family saw Denys off, despite his initial reluctance. His wife, daughter, and father—who has since sadly passed away—were all there. On the way home, Iryna regretted bringing Orysia along: “We got in the car, and she started crying, ‘Daddy! Da-aaddy!’” She remembers how each of them cried in their own way—Orysia, herself, and her father-in-law.
In October, they were able to visit Denys at his base. “Are you bringing the froglet?” he had asked in advance. Of course, it would have been easier for Iryna to go alone, but they both longed to see each other. In the five months since their last meeting, their three-year-old daughter had changed so much. When Denys saw her, he immediately noticed how she had grown—she was taller, talking more, and had begun forming more complex sentences.
Almost a year into his service, on Father’s Day, Orysia said, “All children miss their dads when they’re not around. And I do, too.” Over time, she’s learned to empathise: “It’s even harder for him because he misses us so much, too.”
The girl shows me another drawing. This time, her father is wearing blue—on leave. “It doesn’t happen very often,” she says. Meanwhile, Iryna tells me that her husband loves to surprise them whenever he gets the chance. But last year, when he returned for his first leave, he didn’t have the keys to their home.
“I looked through the glass partition from my desk and saw a figure in uniform. I glanced away—I didn’t even think it was Denys. Then, a moment later, I looked again and realised. I couldn’t believe it.”
Together, they went to pick up Orysia from kindergarten. The little dreamer probably hadn’t dared to hope for such a miracle, but even now, a year later, she remembers how she “ran and ran and then hugged” her dad. Not too tightly, though—”so I wouldn’t squeeze him too hard.”
The girl excitedly recalls how, that day, she, her mum, and her dad built a snow caterpillar together. While her parents shaped the long, crawling figure, Orysia “used her snowball maker to make a wreath for it.”
A month later, with a hint of sadness, Iryna shows me a video: the little girl, surrounded by three toy caterpillars, watches quietly as her mum decorates the Christmas tree. “I don’t want to help… because I miss Daddy,” she says.
This year, Denys came home on leave in October—once again, as a surprise. At kindergarten, Orysia made a paper angel for her dad as a gift for Defenders’ Day. That evening was rainy, and she and her mum were rushing to a doctor’s appointment, so Iryna asked her to leave the angel at kindergarten. But Orysia stubbornly insisted, “No. We have to send it to Daddy in a parcel!”
She usually asks her mum to add a sticker or a drawing to the packages they send him, but with the holiday approaching, it felt even more important. While crossing the street, she accidentally crumpled the angel slightly—and was devastated. To tears. Because it had to reach her dad. Thankfully, the gift was saved—and, more importantly, given to him in person.
Iryna and Orysia were in the middle of cleaning the house when they heard someone fumbling at the door. “We opened it, and there was my da-aaddy!” Orysia recalls, twirling with excitement. “I even ran to hug him!” Not too tightly, though—“so I wouldn’t squeeze him too hard.”
With pride, Orysia shares that, while her dad was on leave, the three of them made an autumn-themed craft for kindergarten. They collected chestnuts and glued them into three caterpillars—mum, dad, and their little one. She also visited a water park for the first time, where her father taught her to swim, and went to the mountains, where she made a secret wish in the Cave of Desires—one she won’t reveal, so it will come true. Now, she eagerly awaits her dad’s next leave.
Iryna makes sure to video call her husband every day. Sometimes, she says, Orysia isn’t in the mood to talk, but other times, she has something important to share. “And when Mum steps away, we do this,” the girl adds, pulling silly faces.
Anna Hralyuk, a psychologist, explains that maintaining emotional closeness between a military father and his young children largely depends on the mother. She can send photos and videos and keep him updated on how they’re growing. “Denys knows everything that’s happening with Orysia—whether she’s sick or something happened at kindergarten,” says Iryna. “Even though he’s not physically here, she’s our child, and we share the responsibility. We have to raise her together.”
Her father suggests extra activities for her—dance, drawing, and English. “Once, after being away for a long time, Denys noticed that Orysia was struggling with her speech—she needed to see a speech therapist. It was his decision, but I was the one who had to follow through.”
Whenever possible, they plan family activities. This time, they introduced Orysia to an old passion of theirs: “Before she was born, we often went hiking, so we promised ourselves that if Denys got leave during a relatively warm season, we’d show her the mountains too.”
Anna Hralyuk, a psychologist, emphasises the importance of the father’s involvement—through talks, messages, and short videos—to maintain their bond. As an example, the psychologist recalls the experience of a veteran of the U.S. Army: “When he was deployed, his children were still young. He realised their bond was weakening, but maintaining emotional closeness was crucial. So he made time to read bedtime stories to his youngest and play online chess with his eldest.”
Anna advises Ukrainian soldiers to find creative ways to stay connected with their children from afar—talking about shared interests, reading books together, or discussing films they’ve watched separately. “A child can share their achievements at kindergarten or school, while a father can send photos of flowers or animals nearby. They can also exchange small surprises.”
Denys makes a real effort to stay involved in Orysia’s life by supporting her interests. She excitedly talks about a video he filmed for her, featuring tree frogs. She also has a favourite box with a space-themed design, inside which her father sent her socks with her beloved frogs.
On 19 December, Orysia will turn five. The gift she wants from her parents is a Barbie doll with green hair. Denys has already sent Iryna several options online—they just need to pick the perfect one. “As soon as our daughter wants something, my husband immediately starts looking for it,” Iryna says. They’re hoping that this time, her father will be there to celebrate her birthday in person.
Anna Hralyuk explains that building emotional closeness between a child and a father serving in the military from a distance largely depends on the child’s age and their understanding of his service:
“I worked with the family of a former prisoner of war who had been serving since 2016. He missed his child’s entire upbringing and often spoke in great detail about the war. But it’s essential to think about how a child’s mind processes that kind of information. Over time, he and his son lost their bond. The boy withdrew, carrying a deep resentment toward the world, fueled by the injustice done to his father.”
The psychologist adds that bullying can occur during middle and early high school: “Other kids might tease a child, saying, ‘Your dad’s at war, he’s a loser, while mine got out of it.’ A child takes this to heart—especially if their father is wounded.” Anna advises parents to discuss different possible outcomes with their children ahead of time: “A child remembers their father as he was before the war. But he may return changed—more aggressive, weaker, disabled, or struggling with trauma and turning to alcohol. A child needs to be prepared for these possibilities. Honesty is essential.”
If possible, families can organise virtual dinners through video calls, trying to keep familiar routines alive online. If that’s not an option, children can be encouraged to keep a journal or create drawings for their father to send. Anna advises: “There should be topics for conversation that don’t cause distress. For instance, a father can’t solve household problems from a distance due to his service, so it’s unfair to place that responsibility on him. Similarly, questions like ‘How are things at the front?’ can be painful. Communication should remain intimate but often focus on topics that inspire.”
If the emotional bond between a child and their father wasn’t strong before his service, it’s still possible to build it during his time away. “The value of relationships changes. A child may come to realise that they could lose their father, for example. This can be a chance to grow closer.” From her experience, the psychologist observes that while some connections weaken over distance, others only grow stronger.
